i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize