I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
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I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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