he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize