id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
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If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
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She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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