On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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