I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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