Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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