she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Can you bring me the toilet please
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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