marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
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I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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