I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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