she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize