Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize