WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
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