I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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