like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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