Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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