You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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