Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize