Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
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Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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