imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize