$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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