Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize