I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize