I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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