"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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