she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
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Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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