Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
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i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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