i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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