.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize