So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
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so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
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I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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