yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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