i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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