Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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