I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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