This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
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So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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