I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
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He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
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This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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