I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
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i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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