Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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