Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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