i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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