I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize