i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize