yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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