I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize