dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The Olympian is in my bed
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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