"it" just moved
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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