i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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