I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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