Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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