Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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